It is early evening and I have not long since arrived home from the supermarket where I bought chuck steak, and ingredients to make a mild curry. I am cooking it now with some rice and while saucepans simmer on the stove with the makings of my dinner inside, thoughts now simmer inside my mind, melting down, circulating, blending and creating new flavours, new directions, new goals and aspirations. My hiatus has been good for my soul; good for my spirit.

I have spent time listening to gospel music, revisting some of the old favourites I used to sing with my aunt and with the choirs I have joined my voice with in times gone by, and learning some new songs of adoration on a CD I ordered a few weeks ago.

I have spent time in the company of friends, and with my children and with God. I have worked on my writing, I have allowed myself time to dream again.

Many things have come bubbling to the surface in this time, and the most important one is something I had purposed to do when I left my husband almost 6 months ago.

I had big dreams, back then. Big ambitions, and the world seemed to unfold before me with a golden glow of promise.

Then, April came, and with it, the death of my dearest aunt. The golden glow was shrouded in a dark pall of grief, and I lost sight of the things I had purposed to do. With the grief came a very draining spate of illness, partly because I was not taking proper care of myself, and partly because I had developed this new fangled syndrome they call PMR.

Now, with the illness finally controlled by medicine, and the hurts of recent times gradually fading to more tolerable levels, l'm looking again for that golden glow I so briefly glimpsed all those months ago and it is something that is calling to me, and drawing me, and which I feel I need to give myself to in order to heal and recoup my spirit.

That Golden glow involves my writing, my faith in God, and my children, and those are the things I want most to give myself to.

As of next month, I will be moving back home with my children, and although my marriage to my husband is over (he will be moving out), my life is only now starting to unfold into all that I believe I glimpsed those months ago. I will be going back to church, getting back to my writing, perhaps I will join a choir or just sing for myself and for God's pleasure.

I realize this may not make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me. It is what I desire and where I want to be and there is no way I could, or would try to make it make sense to anyone else.

For now, I am a single, writing, singing, praising mum and I am gonna love every minute of it!

"And all I do

Is live my life for you!

I know it's true, I'll never let you go!

All I do I'd do anything for you

Everything is in your hands

So I get up, Get up and Praise you!"

Hillsong -- Get Up and Praise You

I hope you find that Golden Glow - what you've done makes perfect sense to me.

Hi from Victoria Australia.. sorry to hear of your marriage break up.. having problems in my own..
Terribly draining.. If I didn't have God I don't know where I would be.. I will pray for you tonight.. that God continues to lead you forward and your family..
God bless you.. from Sharon